Confusion and clarity collide

I've decided that by doing this experiment I have been overwhelmed with the vast array of issues that have entered my mind. Thinking about just this one sphere of my life (musical expression and participation), has made me realise what complex beings we really are.
God has created us in such a way we could never understand or grasp. He is infinitely creative and knits us together with millions and billions of characteristics, thoughts, abilities, gifts, dreams. Just one of the special things in my life is music. I've always thought of harmony, tempo, tone and colour as a glimpse of God. A little burst of heaven in my life here on earth. The way music can move me, influence me, push and pull me, tear me, carry me away, anger me, make me cry, touch the core of my being, make my spirit soar.... What power there is in that!
God's creative expression is definitely evident in music. And while we are here on earth, where there is good, there must also be evil. We cannot deny the spiritual battle we all face as followers of Christ. Spiritual struggle is one of the main reasons I believe in my God. There are things I absolutely cannot deny and therefore make up a core part of my fiath. I believe the devil is in this world, tugging at souls, coaxing them away from God's amazing plan for their lives. He is everywhere. In my church, in my home, my workplace, my bible study and my earphones. He is definitley in my earphones...

After spending so much time considering what I am really putting into my heart, mind and soul through those little buds of sound and song, I can now see what Paul was talking about in the bible when he said we need to protect ourselves with the armour of God. We must suit up. Part of that is the armour itself but another part of that, I believe, is education. Learn about what is out there. Be deliberate in what you allow into your life wherever possible. For if we ignore the reality of spiritual warfare are we not ignoring the need for protection. How do we know how to suit up best if we do not know our enemy?

Some music, I believe, is not of God. Read the lyrics of what you are feeding your soul. You might realise why you feel so down, weak or open to attack. I know that when I stopped filtering what I was listening to and let anything in, I felt so weak. I clearly remember feeling frightened that I didn't have the spiritual strength to fight off attacks from satan. It didn't mean everything I listened to from the 'secular' world was doing me harm, but it certainly crippled my soul to be taking spiritual food out of my music selection. I started to realise what the world was saying through a lot of the music I'd been listening to. I also realised what amazing messages God has for us in music that is from the hearts of fellow believers.

I am so blessed to have choice in my life. So many people don't. You and I have choice. That is amazing. And how amazing that we can be part of God's work here on earth. Everything he stands for is amazing, breathtaking, powerful and pure. God on earth is happiness, purity, meaning, direction, choice, fulfillment, satisfaction, love, equality, annointing, strength, peace, comfort and wholeness. He is here all around us if we choose to let him in. Choose to help him fill the earth with his love till he gets back. I have realsied how important my role is in all of that. It's me who turns my iPod on. It's me who downloads my music, puts the CD in my player, turns the radio dial. It's me. And that means that I can make the choice to fill my soul with things of God, be careful about what I put in my ears. Be educated about what is in the music I listen to. Make the tough choice to delete music from my iPod, change the station, get the scissors out on my cd collection. Removing evil influences from my life in such a physical and permanant way is so empowering. At the finish of this experiment, I cleared out my iTunes list and scratched the back of cd's before throwing them in the bin. I am taking control of my music. It's a small aspect of life but God has given me this free will and it feels so good to be doing what God wants me to do. I am choosing to get a little wiser and get myself some spritual armour designed just for my ears. In Ephesians 6:10-20, it says this:

The Armor of God

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Sheesh what a week it's been. I'm going through challenges I have never had to face before and thankfully I have God speaking into my heart now through my iPod again.
I couldn't sleep the other night because of negative thgouhts so I played worship music to drown it out. I felt so much more at peace.
I don't really know what's going on. I'm getting tired of thinking at the moment so I'm just trying to keep myself open to God. I'm hoping that filling my ears with worship music will begin to soften me.

Change of heart

Ok, so I know last week was a pretty refreshing and educating experience in a lot of ways but by the weekend I was not feeling real positive about it. A few significant things happened in my life last week and they hit me so much harder than anything has before. I felt gutted - utterly gutted. Like the devil could see me inside and out and knew exactly where to fire his bullets.
Negative thoughts were overtaking my mind and my heart was feeling drained. My soul, well there wasn't much to report there either. I don't know if it was directly related to this experiment but I have no doubt the the devil saw an opportunity to attack me in weakness. Every song seemed to echo these hollow feelings I was having about my life. Everything had begun to sting and I would flick music constantly. I hated listening to anything. By Sunday, I was so ready for an excuse to hear God speak to me again through music. But it wasn't as spectacular as I'd imagined. Maybe I was still in a pretty bad space. What I did notice though was I was filled with a desperation for God that I'd never experienced. I wasn't at church for any other reason than to meet with my God and be surrounded by his teaching. After Sunday, I stopped listening to my iPod I put on Cafe Del Mar and other stuff that had no lyrics. I couldn't cope with any more words being pushed into my brain.
We cannot help being influenced byt the things around us. What we can do is choose to commit them to God in prayer and ask that he protects from the things he knows will harm us. There is a real spiritual battle being waged and we are what is being fought over.

Listening to the Grey's Anatomy soundtrack. Never heard it before and it's awesome! Such variety. I'm blown away at the talent God has placed inside people.

Things are settling down a bit today. I've been thiking about this whole music thing...

I'm starting to think it's not all about what you're listening to or not, but how restricted your 'playlist' is.

God is the creator of the most beautiful things I can possibly imagine and more. He is imaginative, unique in his approach and has created an endless variety of creatures, environments, phenomenons and other breath-taking miracles in this world and beyond.
How then, can we sit here and say "I only enjoy this one thing, I only listen to worship music, I only wear pink, I only eat maccas." ??

Not sure what I'm wanting to say but basically it comes down to - don't RESTRICT yourself. We weren't designed to do that...
If I spend a week saying "I'm only listening to one type of music" then I get frustrated and angry and pent up because I've restricted one of my main creative outlets. God designed me to enjoy the miriad of amazing gifts he gave every single person. We are all unique. How can I say that I don't listen to secular stuff because it deosn't praise God? That's rediculous. Just because a song is not explicitly about God, does it mean it doesn't glorify him? Did he not place amazing abilities in these people? Music is God's creation.

This doesn't mean that it's all good for us and I'm beginning to realise that, just like many other God-created things, the devil can use it against us right? I know full-well that the devil is even present in church sometimes. He's not picky. And he also knows that creativity is something that is part of all of us as created beings. why wouldn't he try to attack us there as well as everywhere else?

I'm becoming more aware of the imortance to know what I'm listening to. And to tell the truth - it can be pretty scary to google the lyrics to your favourite song. I've often found myself singing words that I can't beleive are coming out of my mouth. If I were talking, they would never be the things I would say.

Listening to some of this music I usually avoid is really educating me in a lot of ways. and that's so important. We need to be making educated decisions. Research a bit. Google the words to your favourite songs. Be aware of the material that's contained in the music you listen to and make informed decisions as to what you will stop listening to or what you'll listen to more.... more thoughts on this soon. Just caught up with work!!!

bla bla bla

I am feeling down today. Nothing that anyone could sing to me could make me feel better. Nothing I have on my iPod is helping me at all. I've spent most of my day flicking from song to song.
I'm also angry because for the first time in a long time, I succumbed to a temptation I had thought I'd conquered and dealt with. I know we make mistakes, but seriously, I feel like I went back twenty steps. I drove home last night listening to 106.5 love song dedications becasue it was the only station playing something that wasn't incredibly fast and happy. don't you hate it when you need to be soothed and all that plays are bizarre songs by Kylie Minogue. Man o man. I have to leave work now so I'm siging out but basically I just wanted to jot this down because I'm feeling pretty defeated today and so annoyed I can't listen to the type of music I would normally play to sooth me and renew me when I'm frustrated or sad. So annoyed >:(

A little light on the subject

I feel like I've had my head in a bucket. Do you know how enlightening it is to broaden your horizons? Read this:

I've been looking for you
Searching for something new
You keep my
feet on the ground
As you make my world turn around
Keep sending me
signals
Don't let me fall by the way
And while the worldIs turning right
You show me the way
To your heart
'Cause when you call my name
It's like the world
Is turning right...

These are the lyrics to Yothu Yindi's song "World Turning".
And then what about this:

It started out with such a simple clue
And then we talked and so the feeling
grew
I looked deep into the heart of you it's a
Mesmerising view
It's
the strangest thing to feel this way
All that your love brings only
complicates
I don't remember ever feeling this way
If I got you to thank
then you be praised
It's the strangest thing

That's from Bernard Fanning's (Powderfinger front singer) song "The Strangest Thing"
And another:

Those little things you say
When words mean so much
You never back
down
And they all shy away
You always listen to me
And what do I care
to get me through these sleepless nights
And what do I have to hold when no
one’s there to hold me tight
And what do I see
The only thing that gets
me through this is I feel
and I feel you

Those lyrics are from a song by 3 Doors Down called "I feel you"

Helter Skelter and talking with the man upstairs

Having a crazy morning at work this morning! I got in and was so calm and collected - now that's all down the drain with the hectic nature of everything today!!!
Anyway, went out with friends last night and was feeling really pumped afterward about how God is working in my life at the moment.
I'm going through some massive changes in my life and my faith is on a pretty steep developmental curve at the moment so I'm learning a thousand new things about God every day that I never knew. Anyway, basically, I had a really enriching time and an amazing conversation on the way home with one of my work friends who is from a Catholic home but is only just strating to question why she thinks what she does about the world and morals etc. I was able to vocalise a lot of the things I am learning at the moment and the things God is teaching me through my hurts and highs.
I drove home listening to Triple J and feeling like I was on a pretty big spiritual high. I thanked God over and over again for His continual movement in my life. I must admit though, that half way home I had to turn off the radio to concentrate on what I was praying. I sometimes do that thgouh when I want to talk to God. Silence can be good becasue it forces me to be honest and raw. Talking to God and spending time in prayer while I'm listening to worship songs can give me a false feeling of closeness to God. I don't say this lightly and I truly beleive that God works thorugh music to draw me closer to him, but for me it can defintely be a distraction. Life is not as beautiful as some songs suggest. I don't always feel like I want to say "God here I am, I give it all to you, you are amazing, I'm yours, I live for you, I adore you" etc. Sometimes, I just need to turn it all off, sit in silenece and talk out loud to god and say things more along the lines of "God, I am upset. I don't understand what just happened. Please help me to feel at peace about it amnyway. Take away all my crap God. I want it to be gone from my life. I'm trying God to do the right thing. I've got a long way to go. I'm not sure if I'm really serious, but I'm pretty sure that my life is yours. I want you to be in all the bits of my life that are good, and that suck and in between. I'm working on it God and I just wanted to acknowledge you because I can tell that you are working on me. I thank you for listening." That kind of thing. Just a bit more honest and in my own words.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I just realised what a bla bla that all was. I've been listening to a lot of Oasis this morning. Helter Skelter has been playing for the majority of this entry and it's made me feel urgent and crazy. Now, as Cake have begun singing "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" I am slowing down and feeling funky. The words are nto so cool though, seeing as we had quite a heated discussion last night about the oversexualisation of children and the superficiality of society when it comes to sexuality and image. short skirt long jacket. hmmmmm some people jut have different values I guess.
Well, none of that made sense :S

Father God, whatever is going on in my bizarre brain, please help me express myself in a meaningful way during this exercise. I want to get as much out of it as possible. Please guide my thoughts and keep me close to you while I attempt to delve deeper into this topic. Thank you for your continued blessings you shower on me every day. You're so good to me.